How Do I Bring You Up in Conversation?

A business owner asked me to help him get more referrals.

He already had people in his network who liked him and trusted him. Some of them had even offered to refer him. Yet very few introductions were coming his way.

“What should I do?” he asked.

“You need to train your referral partners,” I said.

He looked puzzled.

“Train them to do what?”

“Teach them how to bring you up in a conversation.”

He still didn’t understand, so I asked him to try something.

“Pretend you’re talking to someone who could benefit from working with me. During the conversation, you recognise a need that I could solve. Show me how you would bring me up.”

He paused.

Then he started telling me about my business. He tried to explain everything I did and describe all the ways I could help.

The explanation became longer and more confusing as he went on.

To be honest, it was pathetic.

I say that with affection, because he was genuinely trying. He simply had no idea how to move naturally from hearing about someone’s problem to suggesting an introduction.

And that was the real lesson.

This man wanted to refer me. He trusted me. He believed in my work. Yet I had never taught him how to start the conversation.

If a motivated referral partner struggles to introduce you, imagine what happens with everyone else in your network.

The First Skill to Teach a Referral Partner

When business owners talk about referrals, they often focus on finding the right referral partners. That matters, but finding the right people only gets you to the starting line.

Your partners also need to know how to talk about you.

The first skill I teach is simple:

How do I bring you up in conversation?

Your referral partner may hear someone describe a problem you could solve. At that moment, they need a natural way to respond.

They could say:

“It sounds like you’re dealing with something a colleague of mine helps business owners with. Would you like me to introduce you?”

That one sentence can open the door.

Your partner doesn’t need to deliver your sales presentation. They only need to recognise a relevant problem, connect it with you and ask permission to make an introduction.

Stop Giving People More Information

I explained this to the business owner.

“You tried to tell the other person everything about me,” I said. “That made the introduction feel difficult. Your job at that point is simply to create interest in a conversation.”

He nodded, although I could see he was still thinking it through.

So we practised again.

This time, I played the potential client.

“I’m getting most of my business through word of mouth,” I told him, “but it’s unpredictable. Some months are great, and other months are quiet.”

He immediately started explaining referral-marketing strategies.
I stopped him.

“You’re trying to solve the problem yourself,” I said. “Listen for the need, then bring me into the conversation.”

We started again.

I repeated the same problem.

This time, he said:

“I know someone who helps business owners create a more structured approach to referrals. Would you be open to meeting him?”

“Perfect,” I said.

It felt natural. It was clear. Most importantly, it moved the conversation towards an introduction.

Give Your Partners Something to Listen For

Teaching someone how to bring you up begins with helping them recognise the right moment.

Tell your referral partners what a potential client might say.

For example, a person who needs your help might mention:
A problem that keeps returning.
A change creating new pressure.
A result they want to achieve.
An area where they feel stuck.

Use the actual language your clients use. Avoid loading your referral partners with industry terminology. Give them everyday phrases they can recognise during an everyday conversation.

You might say:

“When you hear a business owner say they rely on word of mouth but can’t predict where the next referral will come from, that’s a good time to mention me.”

Now your referral partner has something specific to listen for.

Next, give them a sentence they can use:

“I know someone who works with business owners facing that exact issue. Would you like an introduction?”

Then practise it.

Ask your partner to pretend they are introducing you. Give them a scenario and let them respond. If they struggle, help them simplify the wording and try again.

This exercise may feel basic. It quickly reveals whether your referral partner can confidently create an opportunity for you.

What Happened the Following Week

The following week, the business owner came back to see me.

He was excited.

“I tried what you showed me,” he said.

Instead of waiting for obvious referral opportunities, he listened more carefully during his conversations. When someone mentioned a need his referral partner could solve, he used the sentence we had practised.

He didn’t launch into a pitch. He brought up his referral partner naturally and asked whether the person would be open to an introduction.

In one week, he generated three referrals for that partner.

Three referrals from one simple skill.

His network hadn’t suddenly changed. The opportunities had probably been there all along. The difference was that he now knew how to recognise the moment and what to say when it arrived.

That is why the first thing you need to teach a referral partner is:

How do I bring you up in conversation?

Give them the problem to listen for. Give them a simple sentence to use. Then practise it with them.

You may be surprised by how many referral opportunities they begin to notice.